There are multiple ways to analyze the topic of confidence. One way to look at it is to go back to our childhood.
Somehow our confidence level could be a reflection of what our siblings, parents, or caregivers thought of us and how they treated us during childhood. During our early years when we had no clear concept of who we were, perhaps we had no other choice but to build our confidence based on what people around us said or thought of us. We used their voice to portray an image of ourselves; an image which was a reflection of their thoughts.
As we grew older, this voice started to expand and became the voice of our friends, colleagues, partners, and eventually, the voice of the whole society. By the time we became adults, we had faced a criterion which included certain conditions that shaped a person’s confidence.
Chances are as an adult if who you have become, is aligned with those conditions, you feel confident at least to a degree, and if not, you are probably struggling to feel confident. Therefore, how others view us and the voice of society mainly becomes the foundation of our confidence. A foundation that often needs replacement and adjustment from its roots to the top.
It is fair to conclude that confidence is not a gift that we are born with, but it is a skill that we can acquire. Isn’t that great news?!
If we lack confidence, we need to look within and perhaps to go back in time and examine the main repetitive behavioral patterns of the people around us. If the reason behind our low self-confidence is rooted in our childhood, we can change that and remove the negative inner voice in our head.
To achieve this, Psychotherapy is one of the most powerful tools that one can use. Psychotherapy will help us eliminate the unnecessary negative thought patterns that we have been carrying with us for decades. In other words, with the help of psychotherapy, you will reconcile with who you are. This will provide a space for a damaged self-confidence to recover.
We can also dominate the more prominent voice of the society that decides as a person how much confidence we are allowed to carry with us. Usually, society’s way of looking at confidence is very much achievement- oriented.
However, confidence should be based on the values/ the essence of human beings, whereas the community looks for external associations to infuse a person with confidence.
To have a healthy self-image, you don’t need to enter the game of gain and lose. But instead, go within and appreciate your human nature as it is. Of course, the achievements in life adds joy to our existence, but if we base our worth on such external circumstances, our confidence level will always be a victim of constant external fluctuations. Isn’t life a series of ups and downs, successes, and failures?
We may reach a stage in life where our confidence level is entirely shaped by our own vision and not by an external voice of society. And this does not have to happen at once, just like any other skills that require time and effort to flourish, this will have its own process too.
Once we have altered the inner voice/ inner conversation in our head, we will start to perceive our selves in a different light. How we view ourselves will undoubtedly change the external view of others on us as well. It’s perhaps for this same reason that Lao Tzu said; “Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
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